Tag Archives: power
“The truth is, I often like women. I like their unconventionality. I like their completeness. I like their anonymity. ”
― Virginia Woolf
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
-I wish I had never given you my heart
-I wish you never had the power to manipulate me
-I wish I had asked you to stay
-I should have told you, you were very stupid!
-I should have said no
-I should have waited for the real thing.
I read today about a challenge called the 10 day personal examination challenge. I am going to be participating. for the next 10 days I will post once a day for this challenge. If you feel it works for you, I encourage you to do the same.
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
1. I hate that you don’t care about your family, it hurts and it’s really sad to see.
2. I hope your isolation and solitude is everything you were hoping it would be.
3. I miss you, I wish you hadn’t died so young.
4. You’re wrong about me. I’m strong, and I know I can do anything I want.
5. I’d be nothing without your support. You complete me.
6. I love you.
7. I’m sorry I let you take a large part of me. You never treasured anything I gave.
8. You teach me something new everyday.
9. I wish you weren’t so dumb, I miss the person you used to be.
10. I really wonder what ever happened to you. I wonder if you ever got your life back in order. I hope you didn’t waste away.
So about 3 years ago I had a baby. During the experience of having a baby I acquired quite a few scars on my belly and legs and breasts. Right when she was born I went through a terribly self conscious phase because I thought people would reject the scars and think they were hidous.
Over the last year really I’ve come to an amazing realization. Scars aren’t a sign of weakness they are a sign of trials and making it through some rough shit. They are testament to an event that changed my life.
I do a fair bit of nude modeling and I’ve made the decision to be okay with my scars. Most people who know me know I’ve got a daughter and are fully understanding of the fact that the scars are from having her. I get people who like them, people who hate them and of course people who are indifferent. But what I do now is tell people straight up I don’t mind if they leave them in the photos. I absolutely do not require that people take them out.
I really am becoming proud of my scars. I feel so tired and exhausted being a mother some days but I know I am a strong person whose been through hell and back and have the scars to prove it. I can’t feel shame or embarrassment for them anymore, they are a huge part of what defines who I am.
Since last year I’ve also been adding hook suspension scars to my back and it’s funny because they get asked about a lot more than my tummy scars now. People always seem to need to hear the story about how the freak hangs on hooks. I laugh. I also love these scars. I am super proud of these scars and can’t wait to add more!
“Enduring habits I hate…. Yes, at the very bottom of my soul I feel grateful to all my misery and bouts of sickness and everything about me that is imperfect, because this sort of thing leaves me with a hundred backdoors through which I can escape from enduring habits. ~Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science, 1882”
“Submission is not about sex, it is about sensuality. It is about trust, communication, vulnerability, caring, and honesty. It is about being the graceful, sensual, beautiful woman that resides within.”