Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
-I wish I had never given you my heart
-I wish you never had the power to manipulate me
-I wish I had asked you to stay
-I should have told you, you were very stupid!
-I should have said no
-I should have waited for the real thing.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
-I wish I could get in shape faster
-I wish I was smarter when I open my mouth
-I think my daughter is growing up way too fast
-I eat too much junk food, but I don’t really feel compelled to stop
-I miss a lot of people
-The future- what will it hold? Where will I end up?
-I think about love.
“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.”
This is so freaking true. I don’t know who wrote this quote but it pretty much says it all for my life today.
I really really hate petty idiots who pick battles about the most miniscule things. And they don’t just argue they blow the little things out of proportion. They also take delight in making you sweat and messing with you. What the hell do these people get out doing this!?!
It’s obviously not how I’m hardwired, I just don’t understand. I work my ass off to provide for my family. Some people will never be satisfied and what I do is never going to be enough. I am frustrated beyond belief.
I am a damn good parent and no one has a right to critisize that. No one has any right to judge how my time is spent. And just because I have different priorities for my time than others means nothing.
Before you bloody judge me, walk a mile in my shoes! There is so much power in that statement.
So about 3 years ago I had a baby. During the experience of having a baby I acquired quite a few scars on my belly and legs and breasts. Right when she was born I went through a terribly self conscious phase because I thought people would reject the scars and think they were hidous.
Over the last year really I’ve come to an amazing realization. Scars aren’t a sign of weakness they are a sign of trials and making it through some rough shit. They are testament to an event that changed my life.
I do a fair bit of nude modeling and I’ve made the decision to be okay with my scars. Most people who know me know I’ve got a daughter and are fully understanding of the fact that the scars are from having her. I get people who like them, people who hate them and of course people who are indifferent. But what I do now is tell people straight up I don’t mind if they leave them in the photos. I absolutely do not require that people take them out.
I really am becoming proud of my scars. I feel so tired and exhausted being a mother some days but I know I am a strong person whose been through hell and back and have the scars to prove it. I can’t feel shame or embarrassment for them anymore, they are a huge part of what defines who I am.
Since last year I’ve also been adding hook suspension scars to my back and it’s funny because they get asked about a lot more than my tummy scars now. People always seem to need to hear the story about how the freak hangs on hooks. I laugh. I also love these scars. I am super proud of these scars and can’t wait to add more!